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Book of Eroticisms (from the Past)

02.07.2010

I was cleaning out some drawers today and I found a book I made years ago, when I was in my first relationship (and 18 or 19 years old). It’s one of those books with a kraft paper cover and a wire spine. Inside, on a few pages were some images and some text of erotic stories (mostly torn from the pages of Cosmo. Again, I was young).

From Book from the Past

The book has a cover page that I wrote:

This is Gray’s Book of Eroticisms.

To include-

First half pictures

Second half erotica – Printed from the internet, descriptions of past encounters w/(the ex), lists of stuff I’d like to try, stuff (the ex) sends me

Rules –

  • Only I may see this. I’m not pleasing anyone but myself here
  • the cover stays discrete
  • must make an addition once per 2 days
  • favorites get marked with a sticker in the corner (eds. note – and here’s where I show my age :p )
  • not concerned about how nice this stays – it should be worn all to hell at some point
  • if something fails to turn me on, remove it or cover it with something that does.

What’s interesting to me is how consistent my most prevalent kinks have been.

For example, I’ve clearly always been an anal slut:

From Book from the Past

And I always get turned on by a hot masturbation scene:

From Book from the Past

And I’ve probably always had some pansexual/queer leanings:

From Book from the Past

It was actually really neat to find this.

I’ve been doing so much thinking about who I am and who I want to be – it’s nice to be reminded of who I HAVE been. I’m incredibly proud with the level of self-awareness I had at 18 about my own sexuality. Some people take decades to find their kinks (or give themselves permission to explore them).

I’ve also been wondering about the purpose of such a book.  Why did I feel the need to make something like this? This was before the internet was as pervasive as it is today… maybe it was going to be a go-to-masturbation book. Or maybe it was a way for me to think out some of my sexual philosophies and take some risks in a safe space.

Did anyone else do anything remotely like this in their youth?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. 02.14.2010 3:02 am

    I would write down erotic fantasies in notebooks that I hid in my room. Somehow it was easier for me to hold them in my head if they were written down than if I was just thinking them up.

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